I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
