Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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