My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
