Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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