Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
