His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
if only i could text you this smell
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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