Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
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