highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
