Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
These tits shall not be calmed
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
