she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
