So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
