well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Boobs are out for the taking
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
