halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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