All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
