booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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