I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
