So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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