whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
