Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
