And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Randomize
