i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
