I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
