I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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