I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
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