I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
is it fun? or sober?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
