Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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