my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
