Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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