ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
