so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
