Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize