I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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