The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
