Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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