Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
