he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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