Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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