He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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