I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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