A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
