You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
