I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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