I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
the liver wants what the liver wants
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize