im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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