Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
