Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize