No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
