It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
