I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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