I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
