I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
