JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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