I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
