New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
