Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
