so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
