You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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