best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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