I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
