So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize