its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
