things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
