I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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