I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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