she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
