i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Randomize
