all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
