My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
