Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
