yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
