Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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